to see the world

sometimes I wonder if you ever think of me

when I thought our love was like a tree steadfast and never ending

will you ever know the pain that you caused

will you ever know what you lost

it swells up in my soul

the feeling of a pointless role

so the memories did not worth to you what they worthed to myself

oh that is saddening but I no longer need your help

i am living free with no weight upon

helpless broke but I passionately long

to see the world whole through love

is a dream like a free dove

i want to be free needed and heeded

i will take that simply from above


{To the friends I have lost because of strange happenings: I miss you, but until I can see you again..I am free...because of love}

words

a couple of favorite words:
eccentric & quirky

a least favorite word:
hubby

word describing this moment:
calm

word describing how I am feeling physically:
TIRED!

3 words describing my spiritual/emotional state:
eager, hopeful, love

lasts & firsts

Today is my last day of fifteen. Although I have felt older than that for awhile, it is exciting anyways! With a new number, a new season begins. Truly.

(I am getting my license within the week. EEK! :D)

We leave for my first mission trip August 4th...first time out of the continent. :)

I think that we need to remember to put the words "last" and "first" in that order.
With every closed door, with every concluding season..a FRESH, NEW time begins. No joke. This or that may end or be your last time to experience it ever. That's crazy and that's a big deal, but don't forget about the new and don't forget about the firsts. I could never express more..ENJOY THIS MOMENT..."This moment contains all moments." -CS Lewis
 I mean, what is tomorrow's moments whenever I haven't even lived today?

Adventure.

Here we go.
With arms wide open.
And willing Your way.
Fixing my gaze upon You.
Trusting. Surrendering. Desiring passionately and fiercely a holy fear for God that drives me to love FAR beyond myself and DEEPER than any waters.

I'm ready for firsts. I am ready for now.
Have. Your. Way.


Everlastingly,
Ashtyn Carrigan

Do you know that I thoroughly enjoy using & signs?
Do you know that I am going to become a boss at yoga?
Do you know that I am going to the beach in 6 days?
Do you know that I just watched Up!?
Do you know that I am not feeling very well?
Do you know that God is alive and awesome?

Now, you do.

Sunflowers

I picked sunflowers today. My first time all year. They are my favorite flower. They are hard to pick. It's more like yanking and ripping. Today, I yanked and ripped sunflowers. haha! They were pretty all the same. :) It is a fun time indeed. I appreciate creation a lot.

Hey!
Just a reminder: take a breath. Take a deep one. Take a long one.
Everything is going to be okay in the end, don't you know? If it's not okay, then well..it is not the end, my friends.
Try broadening your perspective and being more optimistic.
If you need help doing this, turn on some singer-song-writer-indie-radio on pandora. Look at the sky and gain a better perspective.
You are lovable. You are worthy. YOU are full of hope and YOU are needed.



Guess what, friends? I am going to Mexico! I am excited for all of the simple joys and exciting endeavors that will come out of this adventure.
From seashell collecting, wave riding and sand drawing to laying by the ocean with a big floppy hat reading a good book with an Izze....I am in awe of this vacation already.

I am in the mood to sing. I am playing karaoke with my pandora station and all the songs that have lyrics. Try it some time. :)



-ash

Current State of Heart, Mind, Everything

Hi.
Currently, Ratatouille is playing and I had a delightful friend remind me to blog. I have so many drafts that I have created this week. Do you know how dissatisfying that is? To those song writers out there, it's like starting a song and not finishing.  To those cooks out there, it's like starting to throw ingredients together and halfway through not having an essential ingredient.

Anyhow, I am starting afresh, where I am right now, in this moment. That's the moment that matters anyways, right?
"I know I'm supposed to hate humans, but there's something about them. They don't just survive, they discover, they create!"
A rat's perspective on us big giants. Let's be imaginative for a moment. Think. If this was possible, what would a rat, a dog, an anything think about us? Imagine that all animals love love love the Lord because they were created by Him and have not been affected by the world. Would they want to hate us for our laziness to God's perfect will? Would they admire us for our audacity and spunk to live fully and vibrantly?
It's a curious thought. Right now and for some time actually, I wonder how on earth I can walk in the power that He has given us full accessibility to. I want to represent Him and live out EVERYTHING He has called me to do.
In this moment, I don't know how to do that besides living selflessly and unconditionally despite the negativity that is "thrown" at me. Also, living lacking no faith. I mean, every day is not easy, but doing everything possible to fulfill the greatness within us is beyond important. 

Girls, boys, women, men..oh people of the like..People are essential in your life. No matter what they do, what they have said, what they continue to do..Do yourself a favor and love them, cherish them, enjoy them. Life is a blessing. We must treat every moment like it is!

Oh my loves, have a good night. Treasure right now and pursue the feelings in your heart. & however you feel like you can, go deeper and wider with Him.

Ashtyn