Be intentional about loving.

Be intentional about loving well.

Be the bigger one. 

And then she smiled. 

the emotions I should feel are anger, despair, and hate 

but I can't seem to allow myself to grow that irate 

the days are hard and the clock slow and all because I am hurting

What will bitterness impart in a weak soul?

What will contempt destroy in a very broken man?

What will rage trigger in a desperate wanderer?

It is the answers to my questions which lead me to this.

Why not love? Why not grace? Why not perspective? 

And all will be well

Ouch

Life hurts

Pain stings

It leaves me wondering

Will the sun ever come out again?

Will the day be bright once more?

Ouch.

The sun came out

But it seems to be

Hiding again

I can hardly handle it but

I know that in the "end"

the sun will rise higher than it ever has before

And all will be well

Because the dark days did not win

Infact, they did not win at all

Red All Over

It was red all over
Beauty profound
The dark hovered
And tears came down
Weepings released at the sound
Of the echo of the lashes
Thirty seven, thirty eight, thirty nine
Despair from the loss
Of the one true king
Souls began to wonder
But then
The rolls of thunder reached the grounds
And the blood dripped again
Oh you must be smiling
For win He did

one:two:three:four:five:and:so:on:

[righteous anger is bubbling up inside of me because of injustice, fakeness, and a lack of love. So, I'm going to make a euphoric list.]

:one: 64 degrees outside. Pure bliss!
:two: a bouquet of daisies sits on our counter top.
:three: I'm about to throw together some tacos for dinner. Everyone loves tacos.
:four: currently sporting yoga pants. AKA: God's gift to the female wardrobe.
:five: the sun is just about to set, but the best part is knowing it will rise again.
:six: my iphone lies beside me and with it, I have a connection to so many of my favorite people.
:seven: i have people in my life so wonderful as to call "favorite"

:and so on:

:and so on:

:and so on:

||To those future days||The ones so far away||

Satisfied but still in wonder
Riveted by life but thoughts are soft as thunder
Echoes of the heart scream to be
Not just heard but seen and freed
Dreams never cease They ache inside me
Daily I awake and the future yet captivates
My heart my mind my soul my being
But all in all I know where truth lies
In trusting that now means now
With no compromise

To those future days
The ones so far away
I will treat you so fairly as not to think on you too incredibly often
My excitement does not waver
My passions do not soften
My present just asks this simple favor
For me to be here completely
And if I can do anything
I can do that

::ready::

As I sit in this little, old-lady room and gaze out the window, my thoughts peacefully, go wild.

Life is lovely, but life is different. My imagination definitely could not imagine my life here today.

Well, now it can. Now, I can't imagine "now" any another way.

God is funny. He doesn't just surprise me..He supersedes the expectations I unknowingly create for my life.

Last semester screamed quietness, newness, and "you can do this."

It's 2013 now and this semester sings an entirely different song. Praise God, for that! (Hear me: I loved last semester, but the joy that I feel for this one excites me!)

My desire to go increases daily. I'd love to just leave and travel the world right now.

Who knows where 2013 will take me, anyhow?

I'm not sure yet, but I'm READY.

|Wandering|NotLost|

I wander but I am not lost.

My soul knows no bounds.

My spirit is not of disarray.

I know Whose I am and the promises He promises me.

My future is bright and full.

My passion is strength.

My vision is on God

And His on me

How could I be lost?

I wander a beautiful wandering.

Adventure is calling me.

This is me.

This is free.

I believe in possibility.

It's probably too late to be blogging.

It's probably naive to dream as big as I do.
It's probably risky to be so enchanted by love.
It's probably dangerous that I believe I can do anything.
It's probably unrealistic that I'll see the whole world.
It's probably unlikely that I'll change the whole world.

..but...

It's possible.

And I believe in possibility a whole lot more than I do in probablity.

[and hey, you should too]

You are holy.
You are holy.
You hold my heart.
Holy is what you are.

You are faithful.
You are faithful.
You stay by side.
Faithfully, we ride.

Burning am I..
Burning...
Burning...
is what I am for You.

Forever.....Forever...Forever.

I will be like the sun, never put out and always rising again.
but only through You.

You are forever.

worthy of something worthwhile

The Creator of all, the ultimate Lover, the dream Fulfiller, the passionate Giver...

never fails.

That moves me..

to a place of emerging myself into complete surrender.

Day after day, life is inconsistent. People in my life are inconsistent. Dates and times and plans and emotions...are inconsistent.

But our God, He never seems to be that. 

His passion ignites me whenever I feel flameless. His hope stirs me whenever I feel immovable. His joy excites me whenever I feel dull. His constance makes me feel worthy of something worthwhile. 

If He is here always, it is for a monstrously big reason. I am here on earth in this time in this situation for a big reason. As are you.

I want to move and live in that reason. {the reason: God was, God is and God will be here for me because I am here for a big purpose}

Embracing that [unknown] purpose unlocks a part of God's heart that makes life's inconsistencies essential to this adventure called life.

More of You, less of me.

to see the world

sometimes I wonder if you ever think of me

when I thought our love was like a tree steadfast and never ending

will you ever know the pain that you caused

will you ever know what you lost

it swells up in my soul

the feeling of a pointless role

so the memories did not worth to you what they worthed to myself

oh that is saddening but I no longer need your help

i am living free with no weight upon

helpless broke but I passionately long

to see the world whole through love

is a dream like a free dove

i want to be free needed and heeded

i will take that simply from above


{To the friends I have lost because of strange happenings: I miss you, but until I can see you again..I am free...because of love}

words

a couple of favorite words:
eccentric & quirky

a least favorite word:
hubby

word describing this moment:
calm

word describing how I am feeling physically:
TIRED!

3 words describing my spiritual/emotional state:
eager, hopeful, love

lasts & firsts

Today is my last day of fifteen. Although I have felt older than that for awhile, it is exciting anyways! With a new number, a new season begins. Truly.

(I am getting my license within the week. EEK! :D)

We leave for my first mission trip August 4th...first time out of the continent. :)

I think that we need to remember to put the words "last" and "first" in that order.
With every closed door, with every concluding season..a FRESH, NEW time begins. No joke. This or that may end or be your last time to experience it ever. That's crazy and that's a big deal, but don't forget about the new and don't forget about the firsts. I could never express more..ENJOY THIS MOMENT..."This moment contains all moments." -CS Lewis
 I mean, what is tomorrow's moments whenever I haven't even lived today?

Adventure.

Here we go.
With arms wide open.
And willing Your way.
Fixing my gaze upon You.
Trusting. Surrendering. Desiring passionately and fiercely a holy fear for God that drives me to love FAR beyond myself and DEEPER than any waters.

I'm ready for firsts. I am ready for now.
Have. Your. Way.


Everlastingly,
Ashtyn Carrigan

Do you know that I thoroughly enjoy using & signs?
Do you know that I am going to become a boss at yoga?
Do you know that I am going to the beach in 6 days?
Do you know that I just watched Up!?
Do you know that I am not feeling very well?
Do you know that God is alive and awesome?

Now, you do.

Sunflowers

I picked sunflowers today. My first time all year. They are my favorite flower. They are hard to pick. It's more like yanking and ripping. Today, I yanked and ripped sunflowers. haha! They were pretty all the same. :) It is a fun time indeed. I appreciate creation a lot.

Hey!
Just a reminder: take a breath. Take a deep one. Take a long one.
Everything is going to be okay in the end, don't you know? If it's not okay, then well..it is not the end, my friends.
Try broadening your perspective and being more optimistic.
If you need help doing this, turn on some singer-song-writer-indie-radio on pandora. Look at the sky and gain a better perspective.
You are lovable. You are worthy. YOU are full of hope and YOU are needed.



Guess what, friends? I am going to Mexico! I am excited for all of the simple joys and exciting endeavors that will come out of this adventure.
From seashell collecting, wave riding and sand drawing to laying by the ocean with a big floppy hat reading a good book with an Izze....I am in awe of this vacation already.

I am in the mood to sing. I am playing karaoke with my pandora station and all the songs that have lyrics. Try it some time. :)



-ash

Current State of Heart, Mind, Everything

Hi.
Currently, Ratatouille is playing and I had a delightful friend remind me to blog. I have so many drafts that I have created this week. Do you know how dissatisfying that is? To those song writers out there, it's like starting a song and not finishing.  To those cooks out there, it's like starting to throw ingredients together and halfway through not having an essential ingredient.

Anyhow, I am starting afresh, where I am right now, in this moment. That's the moment that matters anyways, right?
"I know I'm supposed to hate humans, but there's something about them. They don't just survive, they discover, they create!"
A rat's perspective on us big giants. Let's be imaginative for a moment. Think. If this was possible, what would a rat, a dog, an anything think about us? Imagine that all animals love love love the Lord because they were created by Him and have not been affected by the world. Would they want to hate us for our laziness to God's perfect will? Would they admire us for our audacity and spunk to live fully and vibrantly?
It's a curious thought. Right now and for some time actually, I wonder how on earth I can walk in the power that He has given us full accessibility to. I want to represent Him and live out EVERYTHING He has called me to do.
In this moment, I don't know how to do that besides living selflessly and unconditionally despite the negativity that is "thrown" at me. Also, living lacking no faith. I mean, every day is not easy, but doing everything possible to fulfill the greatness within us is beyond important. 

Girls, boys, women, men..oh people of the like..People are essential in your life. No matter what they do, what they have said, what they continue to do..Do yourself a favor and love them, cherish them, enjoy them. Life is a blessing. We must treat every moment like it is!

Oh my loves, have a good night. Treasure right now and pursue the feelings in your heart. & however you feel like you can, go deeper and wider with Him.

Ashtyn

Guess what tomorrow is?

Tomorrow marks history. It does, for me at least! It is my sister's graduation, and many other people who are very dear to my heart.

I love Hannah for being absolutely ridiculously unconditional in her love. I appreciate her consistence in who she is..I adore her understanding me when no one else does. We're stuck together forever and I am so thankful for that.

I love Grace for being the bestest ever. I can't help but treasure her presence. She brings so much joy in my life. I feel her love constantly and I can't help but cry imagining her not in my life. She is so important to me and has rocked my world tremendously.

I love Bradley for being exactly who he is. He is my brother who I just love so much. He gives exceptional hugs and gives honest raw advice. He is such a blessing and a treasure. He cares for people individually and that will never change.

These three people are just a few of who mean SO much to me that are graduates of 2012.

{A new} Adventure begins tomorrow for many hearts tomorrow. That is an exciting truth! It is so fun! But let me say, it is not easy. I think it is a beautiful thing that it is difficult for all of us. It has been such a beautiful time and leaving that part of life behind is unbelievable. It is destined and purposeful. Excitement.


"Cause we're stirring up deep deep wells We're stirring up deep deep waters We're going to dance in the river, dance in the river Cause we're stirring up deep deep wells We're stirring up deep deep waters We're going to jump in the river
Jump in the river and everybody singing now"

Seaside Soul & Scattered Me

I am captured by the sea. Oh, it is radiant. I am delighted by its beautiful eloquence. This girl on the beach with her dogs is a wonderful picture of me someday. I will go everywhere. I have a wandering soul, I do.

Though I have not had the delight to sit in its wonder very much, I dream of it often. It is such a joy in this beautiful world.

Out of high school, I plan to take the road to the clear waters as often as possible. I have been listening to Seaside by The Kooks [Left Picture] daily and I have been messing around with it on the ukulele. It just makes me desire it even more. 
As dramatic this probably sounds, I really do feel this way. I love it. There is something more, something beyond "the beach"within... I suppose it is all the simple beauties [Right Picture] that we must catch and find when we're there. When we're anywhere.


~My lover-self remark now~ 
The other day, a couple of girls and I were talking about, "Who on earth will I marry on this stinking earth!?" I sat there for a minute, I was trying to dig deeper than I had before with this often-asked-question, I pursed my lips and tilted my head, "I don't know if he'll be white..or black..or what..but all I know is that, in him,  in his heart will be so many nations. The same nations or different as mine, who knows? Who cares?"


My friends smiled and said they had never heard it that way before. I was so delighted. I felt like I had this little revelation and happiness burst through me about my future love. 


The reason I am saying this is [when this topic arises] to challenge, remind, ask you to contemplate beyond the surface level aspects about your wondrous lover. It is such a joy, friends. It will not only refresh you, but regain perspective whenever you begin to go overboard on the unimportant things.


I love living. Living is so extravagantly fun. Summer has been grand. 


I am having deep cravings for the Lord. I want deeper. I want us to be in a reckless abandon, step and move with Him, like a swaying seaside tree. I have been praying for revelation on how to move with Him. I am in a beautiful transition of trying to become absolutely ready for when He says move so I can move. If He says speak, to speak. If He says sing, to sing. If He says dance, to dance. If He says now, I will say okay. 
We all have to open our heart. & keep it open for Him. "Where You go I'll go" is something we have to prepare ourself for..
Yes, we have to prepare our hearts for it. We have to surrender all. 
Oh and friends, it's not going to be easy sometimes, but do not lose hope and do not become weary because my God is full of hope and exceedingly strong.


Enjoy your Friday evening!