You are holy.
You are holy.
You hold my heart.
Holy is what you are.

You are faithful.
You are faithful.
You stay by side.
Faithfully, we ride.

Burning am I..
Burning...
Burning...
is what I am for You.

Forever.....Forever...Forever.

I will be like the sun, never put out and always rising again.
but only through You.

You are forever.

worthy of something worthwhile

The Creator of all, the ultimate Lover, the dream Fulfiller, the passionate Giver...

never fails.

That moves me..

to a place of emerging myself into complete surrender.

Day after day, life is inconsistent. People in my life are inconsistent. Dates and times and plans and emotions...are inconsistent.

But our God, He never seems to be that. 

His passion ignites me whenever I feel flameless. His hope stirs me whenever I feel immovable. His joy excites me whenever I feel dull. His constance makes me feel worthy of something worthwhile. 

If He is here always, it is for a monstrously big reason. I am here on earth in this time in this situation for a big reason. As are you.

I want to move and live in that reason. {the reason: God was, God is and God will be here for me because I am here for a big purpose}

Embracing that [unknown] purpose unlocks a part of God's heart that makes life's inconsistencies essential to this adventure called life.

More of You, less of me.

to see the world

sometimes I wonder if you ever think of me

when I thought our love was like a tree steadfast and never ending

will you ever know the pain that you caused

will you ever know what you lost

it swells up in my soul

the feeling of a pointless role

so the memories did not worth to you what they worthed to myself

oh that is saddening but I no longer need your help

i am living free with no weight upon

helpless broke but I passionately long

to see the world whole through love

is a dream like a free dove

i want to be free needed and heeded

i will take that simply from above


{To the friends I have lost because of strange happenings: I miss you, but until I can see you again..I am free...because of love}

words

a couple of favorite words:
eccentric & quirky

a least favorite word:
hubby

word describing this moment:
calm

word describing how I am feeling physically:
TIRED!

3 words describing my spiritual/emotional state:
eager, hopeful, love

lasts & firsts

Today is my last day of fifteen. Although I have felt older than that for awhile, it is exciting anyways! With a new number, a new season begins. Truly.

(I am getting my license within the week. EEK! :D)

We leave for my first mission trip August 4th...first time out of the continent. :)

I think that we need to remember to put the words "last" and "first" in that order.
With every closed door, with every concluding season..a FRESH, NEW time begins. No joke. This or that may end or be your last time to experience it ever. That's crazy and that's a big deal, but don't forget about the new and don't forget about the firsts. I could never express more..ENJOY THIS MOMENT..."This moment contains all moments." -CS Lewis
 I mean, what is tomorrow's moments whenever I haven't even lived today?

Adventure.

Here we go.
With arms wide open.
And willing Your way.
Fixing my gaze upon You.
Trusting. Surrendering. Desiring passionately and fiercely a holy fear for God that drives me to love FAR beyond myself and DEEPER than any waters.

I'm ready for firsts. I am ready for now.
Have. Your. Way.


Everlastingly,
Ashtyn Carrigan

Do you know that I thoroughly enjoy using & signs?
Do you know that I am going to become a boss at yoga?
Do you know that I am going to the beach in 6 days?
Do you know that I just watched Up!?
Do you know that I am not feeling very well?
Do you know that God is alive and awesome?

Now, you do.

Sunflowers

I picked sunflowers today. My first time all year. They are my favorite flower. They are hard to pick. It's more like yanking and ripping. Today, I yanked and ripped sunflowers. haha! They were pretty all the same. :) It is a fun time indeed. I appreciate creation a lot.

Hey!
Just a reminder: take a breath. Take a deep one. Take a long one.
Everything is going to be okay in the end, don't you know? If it's not okay, then well..it is not the end, my friends.
Try broadening your perspective and being more optimistic.
If you need help doing this, turn on some singer-song-writer-indie-radio on pandora. Look at the sky and gain a better perspective.
You are lovable. You are worthy. YOU are full of hope and YOU are needed.



Guess what, friends? I am going to Mexico! I am excited for all of the simple joys and exciting endeavors that will come out of this adventure.
From seashell collecting, wave riding and sand drawing to laying by the ocean with a big floppy hat reading a good book with an Izze....I am in awe of this vacation already.

I am in the mood to sing. I am playing karaoke with my pandora station and all the songs that have lyrics. Try it some time. :)



-ash

Current State of Heart, Mind, Everything

Hi.
Currently, Ratatouille is playing and I had a delightful friend remind me to blog. I have so many drafts that I have created this week. Do you know how dissatisfying that is? To those song writers out there, it's like starting a song and not finishing.  To those cooks out there, it's like starting to throw ingredients together and halfway through not having an essential ingredient.

Anyhow, I am starting afresh, where I am right now, in this moment. That's the moment that matters anyways, right?
"I know I'm supposed to hate humans, but there's something about them. They don't just survive, they discover, they create!"
A rat's perspective on us big giants. Let's be imaginative for a moment. Think. If this was possible, what would a rat, a dog, an anything think about us? Imagine that all animals love love love the Lord because they were created by Him and have not been affected by the world. Would they want to hate us for our laziness to God's perfect will? Would they admire us for our audacity and spunk to live fully and vibrantly?
It's a curious thought. Right now and for some time actually, I wonder how on earth I can walk in the power that He has given us full accessibility to. I want to represent Him and live out EVERYTHING He has called me to do.
In this moment, I don't know how to do that besides living selflessly and unconditionally despite the negativity that is "thrown" at me. Also, living lacking no faith. I mean, every day is not easy, but doing everything possible to fulfill the greatness within us is beyond important. 

Girls, boys, women, men..oh people of the like..People are essential in your life. No matter what they do, what they have said, what they continue to do..Do yourself a favor and love them, cherish them, enjoy them. Life is a blessing. We must treat every moment like it is!

Oh my loves, have a good night. Treasure right now and pursue the feelings in your heart. & however you feel like you can, go deeper and wider with Him.

Ashtyn

Guess what tomorrow is?

Tomorrow marks history. It does, for me at least! It is my sister's graduation, and many other people who are very dear to my heart.

I love Hannah for being absolutely ridiculously unconditional in her love. I appreciate her consistence in who she is..I adore her understanding me when no one else does. We're stuck together forever and I am so thankful for that.

I love Grace for being the bestest ever. I can't help but treasure her presence. She brings so much joy in my life. I feel her love constantly and I can't help but cry imagining her not in my life. She is so important to me and has rocked my world tremendously.

I love Bradley for being exactly who he is. He is my brother who I just love so much. He gives exceptional hugs and gives honest raw advice. He is such a blessing and a treasure. He cares for people individually and that will never change.

These three people are just a few of who mean SO much to me that are graduates of 2012.

{A new} Adventure begins tomorrow for many hearts tomorrow. That is an exciting truth! It is so fun! But let me say, it is not easy. I think it is a beautiful thing that it is difficult for all of us. It has been such a beautiful time and leaving that part of life behind is unbelievable. It is destined and purposeful. Excitement.


"Cause we're stirring up deep deep wells We're stirring up deep deep waters We're going to dance in the river, dance in the river Cause we're stirring up deep deep wells We're stirring up deep deep waters We're going to jump in the river
Jump in the river and everybody singing now"

Seaside Soul & Scattered Me

I am captured by the sea. Oh, it is radiant. I am delighted by its beautiful eloquence. This girl on the beach with her dogs is a wonderful picture of me someday. I will go everywhere. I have a wandering soul, I do.

Though I have not had the delight to sit in its wonder very much, I dream of it often. It is such a joy in this beautiful world.

Out of high school, I plan to take the road to the clear waters as often as possible. I have been listening to Seaside by The Kooks [Left Picture] daily and I have been messing around with it on the ukulele. It just makes me desire it even more. 
As dramatic this probably sounds, I really do feel this way. I love it. There is something more, something beyond "the beach"within... I suppose it is all the simple beauties [Right Picture] that we must catch and find when we're there. When we're anywhere.


~My lover-self remark now~ 
The other day, a couple of girls and I were talking about, "Who on earth will I marry on this stinking earth!?" I sat there for a minute, I was trying to dig deeper than I had before with this often-asked-question, I pursed my lips and tilted my head, "I don't know if he'll be white..or black..or what..but all I know is that, in him,  in his heart will be so many nations. The same nations or different as mine, who knows? Who cares?"


My friends smiled and said they had never heard it that way before. I was so delighted. I felt like I had this little revelation and happiness burst through me about my future love. 


The reason I am saying this is [when this topic arises] to challenge, remind, ask you to contemplate beyond the surface level aspects about your wondrous lover. It is such a joy, friends. It will not only refresh you, but regain perspective whenever you begin to go overboard on the unimportant things.


I love living. Living is so extravagantly fun. Summer has been grand. 


I am having deep cravings for the Lord. I want deeper. I want us to be in a reckless abandon, step and move with Him, like a swaying seaside tree. I have been praying for revelation on how to move with Him. I am in a beautiful transition of trying to become absolutely ready for when He says move so I can move. If He says speak, to speak. If He says sing, to sing. If He says dance, to dance. If He says now, I will say okay. 
We all have to open our heart. & keep it open for Him. "Where You go I'll go" is something we have to prepare ourself for..
Yes, we have to prepare our hearts for it. We have to surrender all. 
Oh and friends, it's not going to be easy sometimes, but do not lose hope and do not become weary because my God is full of hope and exceedingly strong.


Enjoy your Friday evening!

Beautiful Truth

I saw this as a blog draft and it needs to be posted. I remember whenever God was revealing this beautiful truth to me. It is overwhelming really.

Why do we let go of the One who never lets go of us?

Hebrews 13:5 He will never leave us or forsake us.

Laughter is Fantastic & Hilarious

Simply that!

Laughter is fantastic. I absolutely adore people's laughs. Tonight it's just Hunter, Hannah and I  home and we all have a similar laugh.
It's the one that is silent...We either point our fingers, bend our body's back and forth, or clap. It looks something like a half otter/ half old man. After a few seconds of silence, a loud burst comes out and then it goes right back to the silent state. Repeat this until we no longer find the funniness amusing. I am normally the last one to stop this weird seizure..thing.

Okay, I probably just made us sound like freaky creatures or something. Really, all I am intending in this blog post is to maybe make you LAUGH. Maybe just a chuckle. Or a smile. Any of those are good medicine.

Enjoy laughter. Your own, your siblings, your family's, whoever! It is a hilarious delight that we must choose constantly.

The half otter/half old man laughing chick

Ashtyn (:

Summer

Hello there.

 It's summer. With summer, comes to-do lists and sunshine, fulfillment and happy hour. I must say, although I have many posts, I am a failed blogger. FAILED! Oh, but not anymore. I have added to my summer bucket list to blog 3 times a week. Do you know what that means???? THAT MEANS I HAVE TO DO IT!!!
This also means I can actually keep you guys updated on happy moments, delightful movement and extravagant adventures that are occurring in my life. Do me a favor and keep me accountable. It would be a huge blessing.
Because of my failed blog, I know for a fact I don't have faithful readers, but perhaps, as I become more consistent, so will my viewers. This in itself warms my heart entirely.

It is a new season, is it not? So, I will refresh you, welcome you, invite you.

 I am Ashtyn. By the end of summer I will have a license and be 16. For now, (the moment that matters) I am 15 and alive as ever. I am sitting in my front room with my dogs sleeping beside me. I am listening to New Soul by Yael Naim Radio on pandora. I have a smiley face on my hand, as always and three bracelets on my left wrist. My legs are propped up on the little table in front of me.
 Do you have a visual?

 Well, let me just encourage you. Encourage you to enjoy summer. Not just as a whole though, but piece by piece-as it comes. It is extremely important to live in the moment we are in right now, because we are ignorant of what is waiting for us in the next one. Always take the road where adventure is possible. Hm, is that every road? I'd say so.

Oh and hey, guess what. You. Are. Beautiful. 

All of my love, Ashtyn

2012 & all the delight it carries

I haven't yet posted in this delightful year.

Whether I know what I am going to write in a post or not, in this case I don't, it always turns out to mean something to me later. That's what I want.

2012.
As some of my peers know, I pray for a word or two for that year. Looking back I always see how much I needed and used that word.
For example, last year's were peace and wonder.
In the beginning of the year, the most appalling judgmental hardship that felt like a million to one defeat occurred in my life. The emotions I felt at the beginning of that year lingered even to this very moment, but it is much different now. I am not bitter, or frustrated, or even sad. I am simply thoughtful. Hard times that relate to friendships ending or pausing showed me how much I need to love these moments. I needed a lot of peace so I wasn't in a state of tears or sadness. Jesus truly showered peace over me making the bumpy bumpy road much more tolerable and enjoyable. All of this peace was linked with wonder. Wondering what was going to happen with this friendship and relationship? What is going to happen next? How is that going to be mended? Is this possible? Wonder wonder wonder.
A peaceful wonder is the most beautiful kind of wonder.
I experienced this in 2011.

2012's words on the other hand, are Love & Everlasting. The words by themselves and together mean something for this year. I believe there are many many opportunities to come this year to love. Simply respond in a better way. To go the extra mile. To pick up that piece of trash. Big things. Little things. In secret and in light. Everlasting is for the relationships with people, the actions I do, big and little, and future happenings. There are things that are happening this year that will be everlasting. Overall, it will be a big beautifulness of everlasting love.

This year has already shown such things, but has so much more in store.
We are going to Africa in August as a family. I have always wanted to go on missions around the world. This is a first of a lifelong journey. I love firsts. Firsts are such a lovely mandatory part of life. They will happen. This August is going to be SO delightful. I can feel the delight in me for it already.

To my life here and now, there is a simple first occurring. That is, I am stage managing for the first time for a CAIA play. It is already quite exciting. Today was the first rehearsal. I of course will always be more involved in the on stage process, but I think that this is a simple transition into the newness that will quickly come in August.
Hunter's moving to Louisiana soon enough...within the next month, two, three...We'll see...but still soon, I am NOT rushing him. He is moving for acting purposes, ah! Hannah of course will be a freshman in college this fall. Arkansas OBU.
I will be the oldest and it will be a 4 people family home. With Hannah and hopefully Hunter coming home oh so often, it won't be bad, but it still is a fact.
Our family will be less than said average family. THAT'S WEIRD PEOPLE. I will have my license by the time Hannah is gone, thank God. Praying in the funds for a car too :) {I ain't improvising my all time dream car: jeep wrangler} I'll be the one hauling E and I around and again, that. is. just. weird. Ethan and I are the babies. Good thing it is us though, we keep the party going. We don't like the house stagnant and quiet. You can always count on us for loud music, singing and having extra people over. If it was Rachel and Hannah at home last, well then, expect book reading and peace with an occasional musicloudburst and a party. :P This is a semijoking statement; our whole family is a peopleperson anyways. We could be the definition of peoplepeople.

Oh this year is so exciting. New times, fun times. And don't mention this SUMMER. It's gonna be....STELLAR.


lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove.
so good typing again.

so long for now.
-Ashtyn-


fyi to the world: Smile is STILL my motto. I just currently don't wear it around my neck. You can count on me to always have a smiley face on my hand. When possible I WILL buy a new one, but for now I have to show people my motto in new ways. Totally okay with that.